Depth Couples Counseling

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS HELP HEAL ATTACHMENT WOUNDS

Healthy relationships create healthy people. If you grew up with parents who were emotionally secure and attuned, you likely internalized safety, developed secure attachment, and now naturally gravitate toward healthier relationships. If you’ve found my website, this is likely not your background.

If your caregivers couldn’t provide enough emotional health or attunement, you had to adapt. You learned to protect yourself—often by becoming anxious and clingy, or avoidant and overly independent. These strategies made sense then but can create real pain now. What feels “normal” in relationships is often shaped by this history, so you may be unconsciously drawn to partners or dynamics that repeat old wounds instead of healing them. With the right support, these relationships can become powerful vehicles for changing your blueprint rather than recreating your childhood pain.

The most cost-free way to transform your blueprint is to be with a very secure, loving partner. Over time, consistent love and reliability help you become more secure and grounded yourself.

THE ADVANTAGE OF DEPTH COUPLES COUNSELING

Depth couples counseling leverages the attachment bond you already have with your partner. If we stabilize that bond and shift the culture of your relationship so both of your attachment needs are better met, your blueprint can change from the inside out. A healing relationship with a partner is often more transformative than one with a therapist—you live with your partner, wake up together, share daily life, and receive love in real time. When that person becomes reliable and emotionally present, the impact is enormous.

In depth couples counseling, you’ll become aware of the wiring you inherited from your family system—specifically the fragmented selves shaped by childhood pain. Instead of only talking about these wounds, we bring your partner directly into the healing process. Through guided exercises using their eyes, touch, presence, and imagery, they show up for you in the ways your family couldn’t. Their love creates the emotional context your brain needed back then, helping you rewire the fragmented selves you’ve been carrying ever since.

I’ll show you how to rewire your brain—and how to help rewire your partner’s—so when you hit repeating patterns, you’re not just tolerating or surviving them. You’ll use targeted exercises that heal the wiring that hurts you both and keeps those patterns alive.

We leverage your partner’s love in real time to create transformation—something far more powerful than relying solely on a therapist’s empathy or insight.

SPECIALIZING IN COUPLES COUNSELING:
It really hurts when the person you love is focused on “being right”, rather than really getting you! Does your relationship create a deep pain or numbness in your heart? When we start to believe that our LEGITIMATE needs for connection will not be adequately met with our partner, it is easy to focus on our personal needs (at the expense of our partner’s). A NORMAL human response to this is: nagging, petty repetitive fights, silent-treatments, numbing out, outbursts, being condescending, focusing on being right (rather than really listening).

I don’t play referee. I FOCUS ON SHIFTING THE CULTURE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP from its current negative painful cycles into being a safe place for both of you to GET YOUR ATTACHMENT NEEDS MET! Once that is in place, the painful repetitive power struggles that creates so much pain will become more easily addressable.

I’m extremely good at helping MEN WHO MIGHT OTHERWISE NOT WANT TO BE IN COUNSELING feel comfortable giving it a shot.

For information on HOW DOES TODD WORK?, check out my link, EFT Couples (Emotion Focused Couples Therapy.  In a nutshell, I first help you (on an emotional level) pathologize the dance that you get caught in, rather than each other.  Once there is a unified team against the nasty dance, we create space for both of you to safely express your underlying attachment longings.  Once these underlying attachment longings are able to be held by both of you; then the previous protest behaviors and withdrawing strategies (that are quite painful) will have less of a charge and be less necessary.

1)  Premarital Counseling / preventative couples therapy

2)  Couples caught in negative fighting patterns with communication challenges.

3)  High Conflict Couples:  You love each other, but drive each other crazy!

4)  After couples are stabilized (learn how to be a stable loving empathic base for each other), I work with couples to work as a team to help each other heal their underlying personal work.  Basically, I have found that doing individual work in the context of couples therapy, for many people, can be more trans-formative than individual therapy.

My approach works for…

• Couples who live together
• Non-traditional couples
• Couples with kids
• Couples who are thinking about marriage

And it works best if…

• You care about your relationship and want to strengthen it
• You’d like for you and your partner to work more as a team
• You’re willing to listen to your partner, even when you don’t agree
• You’re willing to be honest about your values and what’s important to you
• You want practical tools that will help you move forward quickly
• You’d like a proven, researched approach that has helped 75% of couples resolve their problems

• You’re caught in nagging, petty, repetitive fights that never really resolve.
• You’re stuck in patterns of silent treatments, numbing out, blow-ups, and condescension.
• No matter how hard you try to be seen, it doesn’t seem to work.
• When you apologize, your partner doesn’t take it in and keeps holding it over you.
• Your partner is more focused on being right than actually giving a shit about you.